so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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