Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Couch. On fire.
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