they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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