i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
