Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
