hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
