I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
