Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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