This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
