Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
