I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
