So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Randomize
