My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
