I wish I could teleport
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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