yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
