theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
