im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
