I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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