i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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