Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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