Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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