Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
