The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
