hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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