watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize