Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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