I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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