ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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