I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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