I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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