HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
