I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
