I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
