I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
