she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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