Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
