Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
