all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You made out with two different species that night
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
