you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
