I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
