May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
