So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
