somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize