I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
