Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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