What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I die, sorry about rent.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
