I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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