All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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