That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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