I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
