im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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