dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
