I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
