6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
