I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
