please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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