my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
