You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
