:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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