Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
