Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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