Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
