im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Small penises have feelings too.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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