just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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